What.Ju.Sturbie.Writes.

stubborn.taurus
quiet.patient

complicated thoughts with a simple mind

THIS IS
:: sturbie ::

designer: somewaytolov-e
images: music+pixels

11:12 PM / Saturday, January 05, 2008

i miss my family
and i miss them very much
i miss most and only when it was still a complete happy family
not the family that probably friends and others perceive to see
i miss the family value we used to hold
and i miss the time when i was young
much younger enough not to appreciate family values
yet having it around me
now, i no longer consider this a family
probably that word has been stripped off since 'the change' happened
and now all i have is a dad, mum and a brother
i love my dad
but he's a selfish man that doesn't love his family any longer
i love my brother
but he's selfish enough to say whatever the liability he's bringing to the family is for the sake of 'future' well being of the family

lastly, i love my mum
s much so much no matter how strong and weak she is all at the same time
she holds the family value so strong
but sadly didn't manage to keep this 'family' together
how much love should one have to keep everyone together
or isn't love already enough?

without my complete family,
i have since away from home
and pretty much alone
disappointed
but that's when i learn the word independence
nothing too difficult to learn, really
along the way i met someone
so important
it was such a phenomenon to me;
she alone herself represent MY FAMILY
(or at least that was what i concluded to myself)
and then, we had this little home
it was difficult finding one, actually
but we managed to settle a while, shifted a while
and then, comes a day when MY FAMILY told me that
she's decided she's got part of her own family to attend to
which i swear, it's good that family values are valued and appreciated
probably this is why she became MY family

gradually, i grew a lil tired
like now in my times of down
everyday i keep telling myself;
"look at the bright side of everything..."
"stay strong and clear headed.."
but somehow
these days
i'd feel like giving up
to quit putting a strong front
to quit trying to hide the weaknesses
to stop being independent
because it starts to disguises
it becomes a liability, a torture and a chore
i'm losing trust in myself
doubting faith that MY FAMILY will stay by my side
im losing myself very soon too, i think?

suddenly
everything becomes pointless
and then, i discovered
i have no directions to head to
LOST